Should You Let Your Babysitter Bring Her Boyfriend Over?

It’s an age old conundrum: knowing your kids are likely going to be asleep for most of the babysitter’s time should you let her have her boyfriend over? Are you being irresponsible towards your children if you say yes? Are you being unfair to your babysitter if you say no? Is there a definitive answer to the question: should you let your babysitter bring her boyfriend over? In Sitters opinion, the definitive answer is 'No' ... and here’s why.

The Purpose of a Babysitter

Obviously when evening comes, and little ones are snug in their beds, heading off into the Land of Nod, this is the time when the adult version of Me comes out. You no doubt spend your evenings either doing chores, unwinding, or spending time with your partner. You may also have friends over, or any number of things and you know this doesn’t affect your ability to parent in any given moment should slumbering child become awake child looking for water, a cuddle, or a lost teddy. Therefore, shouldn’t a babysitter be held to the same standards?

The difference is the babysitter is doing a specific job: to take care of your children in your absence. They therefore need to be fully attentive to the potential needs of your children even when they are asleep. Whilst this might mean they can use the sleeping hours to study, watch TV, catch up on emails, or have some dinner, they shouldn’t be in a position which compromises their primary attention: your child’s needs.

In our experience this means no ‘third party’ whether that’s a boyfriend, or a friend to keep them company. Their primary focus must be your children.

Who Are They?

This is before you even consider who the boyfriend is, or might be. When you select a babysitter through Sitters, you can rest assured that you are getting someone experienced in childcare, who has been reference-checked by us. This allows you to feel confident that you are leaving your child with someone both trustworthy and reliable.

The same reassurances can’t be offered regarding your babysitter’s boyfriend. They haven’t been vetted, or checked. Would you let a stranger off the street into your home with your children without you there? The same principle applies here. At best they are an additional person requiring attention and time from your babysitter when they should be attentive to the needs of your child. At worst, they are someone who is potentially a threat to your children’s well-being.

What About Your Babysitters Opinions?

In our experience, babysitters who take their role seriously and choose to work through our framework wouldn’t put parents in the position of asking if their boyfriend could come along.

A typical Sitters babysitter will be an experienced childcare professional and often a parent themselves. They value being known as babysitters who have been reference checked and proven reliable. It is more likely the ad hoc teen babysitters who will ask the question in the first place. Whilst obviously many such babysitters are brilliant and trustworthy, you also potentially get those who are simply looking at a way to earn some cash whilst getting a little space away from the hawk-eye of Mum or Dad. It can be difficult to determine one from the other and that’s why we put our frameworks in place so that parents know what they are getting.

Therefore, a babysitter who takes their responsibility seriously will not be offended, or think any the worse of you, for saying you are not comfortable with them having their boyfriend over. Whilst the choice is firmly yours, a babysitter who is trustworthy will not think the answer ‘no’ is reflective of your trust in them. It is simply a sensible choice when considering the care of your children.

Are There Times When It Is Ok To Bring a Boyfriend?

Fundamentally, the choice is yours: if you feel happy and confident then this is your decision. We recommend meeting the individual in question first and carrying out your own checks for reassurance. However, there is no reason why your babysitter should need to bring their boyfriend over, and our reference checks are for the babysitter themselves, not their partner, and so if you want absolute peace of mind then you should feel able to say ‘no’ without any negative repercussions.